I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
