just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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