1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
