when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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