it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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