How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
