Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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