You're so nebulous sometimes
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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