I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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