"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
