haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
