FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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