I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
