I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize