just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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