Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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