I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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