I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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