I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
