Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
