Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
