Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
