rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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