You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
COCAINE IS GR8
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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