And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
