i think i have two assholes
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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