The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
