he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize