Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
