I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you didnt know i had herpes?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
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