I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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