I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
