I heard we made out
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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