I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
