So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
