When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
