I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
