We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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