i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
