when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
