I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
