Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize