somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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