did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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