Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Randomize
