it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize