How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
