There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
