Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
