i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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