I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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