no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
