How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
