Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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