There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
