i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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