with your own penis?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
