I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
