The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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