Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
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