That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
