good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
