Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
It's just like the Real World with babies
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
