dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize