you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
