you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
