if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
