apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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