after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
