You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
