Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
