I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
