I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
