thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
