I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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