My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
