Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
