When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
