cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
