some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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