Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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