Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
