She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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