no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
