Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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