i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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