I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
