My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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