the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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