I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
This is my life. Enjoy the view
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
