i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
