You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
