Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
