I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
