i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
