I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
is it fun? or sober?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
