Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize