I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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