the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
