I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I understand Curling. That high.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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