I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
