she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
