I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
