i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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