she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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