I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Me too!
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize