i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
