I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
