I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
